damn

ya think i woulda learned. nope. shrooms. damn. i almost went off the deep end. but ally was there to be my savior. she took me home, and before i knew it jonnie, matthew, mitch, christian, and emily were all piled on my bed and exploding the dark little home i had made for myself. i hate my apartment. dirty dirty dirty. must organize. must clean. the kitchen is disgusting. my mother is visiting in july and it must b clean by then. the bathroom is ridiculous. the bathroom is where i sat with matthew for a while. the moonlight was perfect. the temperature was too. i'm not happy with my lifestyle. drugs have to go. the best thing about hallucinogens is that i'm albe to step away and objectively look @ my life. i feel like i'm spinning my wheels. must focus. i have so much potential. i didn't go to super-hipster bootie fest 2006... and i'm so glad. i wore a reflective safety vest and momentarily understood why emma niblett feels so safe in her vest. protection. now working till 7pm and so exhausted. i love my roomie jonnie. she's a really good person. i must stay away from hipster parties from now on... i'm finished with trying to fit in... it's just because i'm so insecure... i want people to accept me, but they won't. they will just wonder who i really am... and i need to just work on my art and let them wonder.

goldblum

have you ever had those little black hairs on your back?

sick

hell. haven't been sick for months. MONTHS! and here comes one. fuck. that fuckin reporter from the oregonian printed a story in today's A&E about PRA. he just spilled the beans. let the cat out of the bag... blah blah blah pra has been broadcasting on 96.7 for 3 and a half years without a FCC licence. we hoped he'd just talk about the stream... now it's just a matter of time before they come a-knockin. went to see Loch Lomond last eve @ the DF. ran into tim from the standard and her stopped after recognizing me. he was with al james... i think all is just sick of me... i'm sure i seem like a pest. but tim looked @ me with soft eyes... the eyes of a friend. whatever. i respect both of them ever-so-much that's the real issue. i just can't bring myself to like Loch Lomond. i wish i could. it just dosen't do it to me.

radio fun

the oregonian came down to the station and did a story on PRA during my show! weird. it was a great set too... Ben instant messaged me about 3 tracks that i played live on the air... gave away Low and Scout Niblett tix on the air and just plain had fun... signed up for a play with insight out (sound design/op) in april and probably goin gto act in TOMMY with radiant theatre! auditioned for Hello Dolly @ Lakewood on Sunday too... the PATA auditions paid off a bit it seems.....

small t-shirt

so i wore a small t-shirt to work today under my long-sleeve, and it's making me feel super fat. yuk. so depressed. the dunes show last night was great and we got nods from both papers... but i felt insecure and nervous the whole time. uncomfortable in my skin. yuk. thought the set was very very rough.... and was humbled by Dolorean. the best thing all night was getting swept away by Dolorean's set... i was really taken away... and now i'm left with this icky sticky feeling all day... we won't play again until end of march, and i'm glad... and depressed.... bi-polar fo sho. whatever. moving on...

dunes

another drunk night @ dunes. i can't seem to help it. i didn't yell this week though. it was packed. again. will people actually show up for our show? prolly. went to b-sides after dunes and saw tyler andrea and JESSKA! i yelled alot because it's fun. i know why dogs bark. it feels good. it makes u feel in control. vey busy week ahead... the band battle tomorrow... PATA auditions... LOTs of rehearsal... we are even rehearsing @ valentine's day. all love.

pra 2.6.06

live on PRA right now. http://www.praradio.com/ what fun. did an hour of portland bands, a little dave chappell, joanna newsome skool. just so much weirdness.

mr. jeff tweedy

sold out crystal ballroom. noisy. tweedy. quiet. wow. i knew every word and all the harmonies. religious. 3 uncle tupelo songs. unheard of. glen played drums during the encore. what a perfect entertainment experience.

it's days like this...

long hours @ work... great job though... finally got a full paycheck yesterday... it ain't much, but it's a real job, not this unemployment jive any more... going to see Damien Jurado with Shelia and Jaime tonight... really looking forward to giving into his world... rehearsals for the show @ dunes on the 16th are going amazingly well... i actually feel comfortable with this group of players... frank will be picking up some cello and keyboard parts... i've become sooooo comfortable so fast with good ol' Franklin... what an amazing musician, although the funny thing is, i've only head him play once live @ a liminal show last year... hopefully ally will add some flute too... if i can only let females stop leading my life around... my radio show @ PRA last week included some tamboura music that frank got me into last weekend... and pushed me to follow thru with my idea to do 2 hours of Alan Watts lectures with instrumental backing... it was great -- i even got a caller @ the end of the set asking who the speaker was and thanking me for the set!!! wow. feels good! the show jaime, meg, ricardo and i did in front of heros & villians last friday @ dantes was a Hit! the band has already invited us to do it again... well back to work...